Florida Vampire To Run For President
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March 15, 2010:

A self-proclaimed vampire currently living in Florida has announced his intention to run for President. The 45-year old Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey claims to be a descendant of the original Vlad Tepes, the Romanian prince who loaned his surname, "Dracula", to literature's most famous vampire.

As he made his announcement, Sharkey was accompanied by his current fiancee, a 19-year-old girl from Ohio he met online who is also, she says, a vampire. "I haven't dated a girl older than 19 since 2006," he boasts; "It's good to be me."

Although currently living in Tampa, Florida, Sharkey has moved around the country a lot. He's been accused of brainwashing one 16-year-old girl in Minnesota, been arrested in Tennessee, and is currently on probation in Indiana for intimidating a judge. He has run unsuccessfully for public office on several occasions.

He's running for president as a Republican.

See Also


Game and Story Use

  • Go ahead and tell me this guy wouldn't make a swell NPC for an urban fantasy campaign.
    • Of course the trick will be getting the players to take him seriously…
  • A friend of the PCs ask them to check out this weirdo his daughter is interested in. The creepy boyfriend claims to be a vampire. Is he?
  • The vampire comes to the PCs asking for help. He says that people are out to get him. Now who would want to do that?
    • Political opponents?
    • Religious fanatics?
    • Other Vampires?
    • Republicans who think he's embarrassing the party?
  • Of course if he was Vlad Tepes, he could probably be arraigned for torture, genocide and sundry other crimes against humanity, on which there is traditionally no statute of limitations … although if he could provide proof of being deceased it would probably cause legal chaos.
  • Maybe his teenage girlfriend is the real vampire and is using Sharkey as a pawn! But to what nefarious purpose…?
  • Mind transferrence - somewhere there's an undead corpse with a human mind trapped inside it.
    • Or a human corpse with an undead mind. Going for political power directly is a bit unsubtle for a vampire, don't you think?
  • Of course, it might be an interesting change to get a politician who is an actual rather than metaphorical blood sucker.
  • For the RINO tendency, they can at least be sure that this presidential hopeful does not drink … tea.
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