Taliban trains 'monkey terrorists' to attack U.S. troops
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Summary

June 28, 2010: The Taliban allegedly trains monkeys - mostly baboons and macaques - to identify U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan and attack them with guns and mortars, a technique reportedly first pioneered by the CIA during the Vietnam War. The Taliban sees these as a propaganda tool - one was quoted as saying:

"If a person who loves animals knows the monkeys may be injured in the war, they might pressure the government to force the withdrawal of western forces in Afghanistan," said one Taliban insider.

The article continues with

A senior U.S. military source confirmed the existence of the Taliban monkey soldiers, military experts call armed monkeys "monkey terrorists."

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Game and Story Use

  • Even if this isn't true (and personally, I highly doubt it), what gamer wouldn't want to fight gun-toting monkey terrorists?
    • Especially if they get to say: "Say your prayers, you heathen baboons!"
  • If this works as well as the Russian anti-tank dogs, it will be hilarious.
  • Sadly the first cited Taliban quote may have a basis in reality … there seem to be a lot of people about (particularly in the UK) who care more for animals than their fellow humans. Arguably Terry's high command understands us better than ours understands him.
    • Just make sure none of the monkeys ends up in Gitmo being spanked.
    • Yeah, civilians getting killed is just collateral damage; but Crumb forbid that anything cute gets harmed.
    • Then again, I don't think anybody wept over the death of the Nazi monkey in Raiders of the Lost Ark. (Remember the Nazi monkey?)
  • On a similar theme, in one of James Coburn's Derek Flint movies, his super-spy character is attacked by a bald eagle that has been trained to recognize Americans. "How diabolical!" Flint says with reluctant admiration; "An Un-American Eagle!"
  • If they fit them with suicide belts, then we may finally have an answer to the question "what noise does a monkey make when it explodes?"1
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